love,
iifaa♥

Hello hello hello! I haven't been here for idk how long and oh my, look at all the dusts here! Ok ok back to business. I've been damn busy to even open this page, let alone to update it. So I'm sorry for neglecting. But then again, as if anyone's reading it. Lol.

So the reason I'm here tonight is because I can't stand it anymore I just have to say something somewhere. And twitter's not the right choice because I'll be condemned for flooding their timelines. Lol. Ok serious now. What am I itching to voice out today? See the photo above? Yeah take a good look at it. Is it normal? Is there anything wrong with it? Do I look hideous?

Why am I asking all those questions? Because people look at me as if I'm naked or holding a gun or a different species in the zoo! And I'm not talking about youngsters solely. This includes those pakcik makciks, even those who wears tudungs, whom I thought would be more acceptive in this matter. Instead, I get stares and glances as if they're shocked to see a girl in baju kurung. Again, what's wrong with wearing your own traditional costumes? Yes, I don't wear the hijab. But is baju kurung solely for hijab wearers? Or maybe weddings only?

My mother always tells me to wear baju kurung. She'd say, "Kalau Friday tu, pakailah baju melayu. Tknk pakai kain, pakai seluar. Beli byk2 pun buat ape kalau tk pakai. Nk tunggu org kahwin je. Kalau tk kite yg pakai, sape lagi nk pakai?" Which means "Wear traditional clothes on Fridays. If you don't wanna wear the skirt, just wear pants. What for buy so many clothes and not wear them? Wear for weddings only. If we do't wear them, who else will?" And she'd add, "Be proud to wear them. Who cares about what others think?"

Well, my mother is not the very religious kind, I might add. But she believes in tradition and she's the reason why I love Malay, even though I'm not. When I was younger, she threatened to switch me to Tamil classes if I didn't excel in Malay. Of course she wouldn't and she can't, but I was too young to catch the fake threat. So thanks to her, I've always excelled in Malay. And I've never regretted it. I love Malay to bits. The language, the tradition, the customs, the costumes, everything except one thing. The people. I'm sorry but I really can't stand some people. Especially those who stared at me every single time I wear baju kurung to work, yes you, don't try look away.

Today, as usual, I received my fair share of stares and glances and look-aways when I caught their eye. Nothing new, nothing unusual. But as I walked to the mrt station after work just now, I saw this guy who's working as a security officer for Zara. He was looking at me and I gave him a "Don't mess with me" expressionless face. I thought he was another one of them who lives under a rock and has never seen anyone in baju kurung other than Sundays. But I was wrong. After about maybe 3 seconds of staring, he smiled. Something like a closed wide smile that would make anyone smile back. And that instantly made my day. Thank you, mat at Zara. At least it wasn't a flirty kind of smile or anything.

So yeah, this is the kind of people I would love to meet. People who don't mind and people who accepts the fact that baju kurung is just another style of clothing you can wear out. Why is it that when you wear traditional clothes for weddings and then you walk around shopping malls after that, people don't look and judge? Because it's a Sunday? What's wrong with wearing it on other days? And Fridays are supposed to be a holy day, so why not? Oh well, modern people and their 'reservations'. What an irony.

I love traditional costumes. It brings out who I really am. And because I have mixed blood, I'm blessed with 2 cultures to embrace. And I have my parents, especially my mother, to thank for supporting and for instilling this in me since young. And not forgetting my lovely boyfriend, who's always supportive no matter what. He'd always say, "You look beautiful, sayang." and that is enough to light up my world.

And for the first time, I'm gonna declare this online/publicly whatever. I love you Muhd Iftiqal, more than you'll ever know. (I purposely chose this photo because uploading a handsome photo of you is too mainstream. You can see them on my tumblr or instagram, heh)

Love,

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth
That sometimes life isn't fair

Okay, no more moping haha, back to work. So what does Syawal mean to you? To me, it means meeting with all my loved ones, reminiscing the good old memories together. And to reflect what we've done in the past and aim to be a better person. That's where the seeking forgiveness part comes in. But today, I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I fail at seeking forgiveness. I can never do it. I'll end up laughing and make it seem like a joke. And I'm not kidding this time. Since young, I was never taught to do it. And I don't blame anyone for it. Whatever you see on tv, the way they seek forgiveness from their parents and stuffs on the morning of raya, yeah I've never done all that. Don't judge me.

I was laughing the whole time, seriously. I didn't know what to say. I suck, haha. But he gave me a hug and kisses on my cheeks, like awwww.

I may not have seeked forgiveness properly before, but that doesn't mean that I don't mean it when I do. Even though I don't do it the proper way and I keep laughing, I was sincere in seeking and forgiving. That's all I can say.

And in the words of my mother, I need to attend a crash course for seeking forgiveness. And I'm not making this up. She was supposed to hold the class on the morning of raya for my siblings and my father too hahahaha. But she didn't so I haven't graduated from the class yet. So yeah, please don't judge me.

First day raya was great after all, meeting my beloved cousins <3
Let the pictures do the talking now, shall we?

Yes, I was the ugly duckling wtv I'm special okay.